Mad lover

She is quite easy to love. One sees a chirpy, pretty girl who’s all smiles and giggles and he envisions her as the beautiful creature God put on this Earth solely to ease his trivial pain, to brighten up his pretty mediocre days and to make his purposeless life less miserable. He convinces himself that she is the one true love of his that every single romantic drama movie promised he would get in the end. He loses sleep thinking of how he’d stroke her soft, wavy hair, look in her big brown eyes and tell her he loves her. He imagines when she says it back his life will somehow turn around for the better. He falls in love with the idea of having that heavenly beauty all to himself. He falls in love with the idea of her.

At times, one might see her as a damsel in distress, bit of a clumsy, insecure, scatterbrained mess, badly in need of someone to remind her she matters, to hold her when she falls, to solve her silly little problems that bother her sensitive heart way more than they should, to hold her fragile body in a strong embrace and protect her against all that might harm her in the slightest. He is sure of the fact that she is a mess that needs to be untangled. He finally can be the macho man he always wanted to be, by putting her unruly life in order and taking charge of it. He falls in love with the idea of being the hero that she needs. He falls in love with the idea of her.

Then there’s the version of her that attracts boys because it is so deliciously unattainable. The kind of boy that was never denied a single wish of his in his childhood sees that girl who is always so in love with herself that she doesn’t throw a single glance his way. She is mean, cruel, and brutal even and stomps on men’s’ hearts as a hobby. The colder she gets, the more he craves her. Her high heels dig into his heart as she walks away from him. She snubs him and he yearns for her. Who would not fall for a queen who rules each soul that ever sets his unfortunate eyes upon her?  He falls in love with the idea of possessing something that was so far beyond his reach once. He falls in love with the idea of her.

Easy to love, didn’t I tell you? Men pine over her because she is just that adorable.

If only they knew how hard she is to be loved by. It is all perfect loving her from afar, but if you are so unlucky as to be the one she chooses to love, it is going to hurt you more than an unrequited love. She is a bad lover. She is a sadist in love. She ruins all that she touches, she damages all that she love. She loves badly, she loves madly. She loves with a fire in her heart that burns her up and engulfs you as well.

She will no longer be the pretty little girl who smells of roses and dreams but a chaos in a sundress who reeks of cigarettes and heartache because when she loves someone with all she has got, she doesn’t keep any love saved up for herself. She forgets to love herself when she loves you.

She will no longer be the girl that flirtatiously bats her lashes at you and gives you a taste of romance and poetry. Now that she loves you, her kisses will taste like tears and fear because she has been hurt too many times and this time she is really in love and that frightens her to death.

She loves like thunder and lighting, not the thunder that gives background music to the sound of rain you like falling asleep to, but the kind of thunder that makes your heart tremble. She’s not the kind of lightening that lights up the sky but the kind that burns entire villages to ashes.

She loves like coffee. Not the way you like it with added cream, sugar and milk but in it’s true nature. She will leave you bitter to your core still leave you begging for more.

She loves like fire. Like the child that can’t help being intrigued by fire and wants to stick his hand inside the fireplace you will jump heads on in her love even though you know it burns your skin off but it is not your fault you have never known such light, such warmth before.

Like a monotheist deity she will be infuriated if you so much as let someone else cross your mind for a second. She will scream and yell and cry and like the foolishly hopeless believer she has turned you into, you will beg for her forgiveness, promising to never worship another God again. And just like Gods do, she will create a hell for you right here in this world even though you religiously fulfill all the commandments she imposes on you.

She will teach you the true meaning behind the cliché “love hurts”. She will love you with a passion, the kind of passion that derives her insane and leaves you no choice but to share the madness with her. She will inflict pain on you and in doing so; herself. She will purposefully cut you and then shed tears on the scars. She will be both your prison and your savior and you will both love and hate the fact that you can’t leave. Her words will pierce your skull like icicles. Her tears will burn holes in your heart. She will leave you and run back into your arms the next moment.
She will drive you crazy, agonize and torture you because that’s the only way she knows how to love; badly. She is a bad lover. She is a mad lover. But oh boy is she easy to love!

 

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To the one who got away

It has been three days since you left me. If only I could keep a count on how many days left til I finally let go of you. I know that I am too strong to fall apart by this one blow. I am too smart to cry over someone who was not meant to stay by my side. I am too complete in myself to think any less of myself after you left a you-shaped hole in my heart. I realize who I am and say what you will about that person but she does not break easily. I may not know how many days it takes me to let go of you but I am not naive enough to believe this is the end of the world. It’s not. In the blink of an eye, I will no longer remember the way you said my name and the feeling it stirred in me. I will not think about your hands on my skin, for one second. I will not crave for your lips on mine. I will feel nothing when I see you calling someone else “mine” with the same fire in your eyes as you used to have when you used to claim me. My heart will not flutter upon seeing your name appear on my cellphone screen (if it ever did). My heart will not yearn to see those exquisite brown eyes of yours speaking to me languages far too complicated for both of us to comprehend. I will not ache to touch your forehead and push back your unruly hair. I will not replay the moment you left, in my mind a thousand times over. I will stop reliving that torment at all.  And when I look at you in the hallway between classes, everything else will stay intact around us and not crumble to pieces until it’s just you and me in the universe, the way it used to. I will pass you by and may be, just may be, our shoulders will brush but your touch will not awake any kind of pain, love, lust or madness in me. I will smile, laugh, and love again.

But right now my world is falling apart. I can’t breathe. I bury my face in a pillow and scream every 5 minutes because mere tears are not enough to let out all the pain that’s inside. Right now, I can’t stop thinking about the way you said my name and a thousand stars lit up in my eyes, the way your arms felt so strong yet so gentle around me, the way I felt a thousand butterflies flutter in my belly when you told me you loved me. Most of all I can’t stop thinking about the way you looked at me right before you told me you were leaving. And it pains me more than I thought I was capable of enduring. Right now, no matter who tells me how amazing and strong I am and how this heartbreak will not even matter two years from now, it will not help ease the pain. All the chocolate, rom-coms, Taylor Swift songs, jokes, rebounds and motivational talk in the world can not help me. And right now, no matter how strong I am, no matter how better off without each other we are, it hurts me to breathe. It hurts to exist in a world where you are not mine. And it hurts to think of a time when it will stop hurting because then, I would have lost whatever little I have left of you; pain.

Rivalry

I see that cigarette
dangling from his lips
And all I wish
is to put my lips upon his
and fill him with all my love
so much of it
that he doesn’t crave nicotine anymore.
To touch his forehead
and ease his pain
will he then crave me instead?
to grow flowers in his smoke-filled lungs
and coal-black heart
to show him he is indeed a work of art
Would he want Mona Lisa smeared in tar?
It is he smokes
But it is I who chokes
It is the cigarette that burns
but I who turns
to ash

May be if I inject enough love in his bloodstream
It will wash down the nicotine
and I will be the one reigning queen
Oh his soul, and mind
and he will be mine
to soothe
to tranquilize
to kill…
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death wish

I am no more in pain
But this image inside my head
it tortures me insane
all my dreams are lying dead
and on the grave there dances he
Oh his blood red hands and icy blue eyes
wrapped in his arms is another beauty
at their moving feet my dead mirth lies
There is a spark in this dark,
little joy in profound misery
under the ground, I soar among stars

My eyes will not have his face to ever see

A Day Of Horror For India At UN: Indian Diplomats Left Speechless

Voice of East

A Day Of Horror For India At UN: Indian Diplomats Left Speechless

By News Desk

GENEVA/ISLAMABAD—Indian diplomats at the United Nations were left speechless on Tuesday under a barrage of accusations, backed by evidence, coming from exiled Kashmiri leaders who unfolded a horror list of things that India is doing and hiding from the world.

The day began when Syed Faiz Naqshbandi addressed the 30th session of UN Human Rights Council in Geneva. World diplomats and human rights activists were stunned when Naqshbandi mentioned a little known fact about Indian jails.

“More than 5,000 Kashmiris are languishing in Indian jails without trial,” Naqshbandi told the UN. This, he said, is in clear violation of the provisions of Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights and International Convention on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights.

Indian diplomats had some relief after Naqshbandi’s speech as other…

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